Father’s Day Blues

I wish my dad was at my graduation today. I miss him. Oh God, how I needed him. It’s seriously all I’ve ever wanted since he wasn’t able to attend my 6th grade or high school graduation. It’s what I looked forward to the most about him getting out of jail after 10 years. I’d be lying if I said he was not the reason I took so long to complete my college education. Heck, I was so freaking glad my graduation wouldn’t happen until he was out. I wanted to wait for him. I wanted him to be there. I needed him. But instead of him filling up that seat next to my mom and brothers, all I had of him was an apology text and one missed call from him. The first I received in the bathroom, when I was checking up on my makeup and hair, making sure my cap wouldn’t fall off with a tip of my head.

“Ola mi amor perdón por llamarte antes que pases una muy bonita graduación te juró qué me duele no estar con tigo en tu graduación”
‘Hello my love, I am sorry for calling you before you have a beautiful graduation. I swear it hurts that I can’t be there with you at your graduation.’

Instantly I felt my eyes well up with tears, a knot in my throat. My friend comes out of the stall and I push it all back, focusing instead on the ceremony and the fact that my family wasn’t there yet. Seriously, again? We rush back to our art friends just as the line starts pushing out the door. My father is pushed out of my mind as the graduation goes on. I’m too busy trying to keep up with my friend’s jokes and our Dean’s sass.
Towards the end of the graduation I remember I have not wished my father a happy father’s day, despite Every. Damn. Speaker. Mentioning their father and wishing them a happy father’a day. I send him greetings and think nothing of it as I stand to move my tassel from the right to the left side of the cap as a symbol of our passing into graduate-hood. We walk out. All along the sides there are people crowding around to take pictures of the graduates. Again, I do not see my mother’s face. I shake off my disappointment and make plans to meet up with my friends at the art building after I dash away to find my family. Again, I do not find them. I look down at my phone to call them only to see I’ve missed a call from my dad. I rush to call back but, what would I say? The emotion now hits harder than before and I click ‘end.’ The knot is tighter, the tears fill my vision and I know I cannot show everyone this side. Today was supposed to be emotional for other reasons, not for the pain that’s been granted me since I was 12.
Instead I have father’s day making a mockery of me as again I have to spend another year without my dad. Only this time, it was something bigger. It was that much more important. And now I’m just left to wonder, how much more will he miss out on? How much more will I miss out on? That ticket that went to my aunt, the one that always goes to my aunt, should have been his. I don’t know what to do. It’s 3am and all I’m doing is crying the stupid makeup off. I hate this, I really do. No matter what I do or what happens, this will never change. I will never have my dad as I want him. He is still only pictures and short phone calls and once a year visits. He’s out of prison but we aren’t out of the system. Happy Father’s Day indeed.

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A Room Tucked Away

An extra room has magically been added to your home overnight. The catch: if you add more than three items to it, it disappears. How do you use it?

I know I’m three days late to this particular writing prompt from The Daily Post. Still, I’d like to take a whack at it.

This kind of reminds me of the Room of Requirement from Harry Potter, really. The only thing is that you bring in your own things, and it seeeems like you can’t change the things you bring in there.

After reading a couple of responses, the one thing that has struck out most to me was the idea about three of the walls being ceiling to floor windows. I forgot who’s idea that was though. Bah! Still, the idea of large windows in place of walls is pretty nice. For the ground.. It’d be nice if it could change every now and again.  It can be a plush carpet for a while, and then change to a nice sandy area where you can dig your toes in and lightly massage them through the clumps. It could also be fresh grass–green, slightly dewy, and definitely not the itchy kind.

Aside from the ever-changing floor and ceiling-to-floor windows, it might be nice to have Christmas lights, too. They’re nice decoration, provide enough light to see by, and are dim enough to not hurt your eyes. The second item would have to be a nice and comfortable-sized padded porch swing. I thought about swings but sometimes they end up making my legs sore–not from swinging, but from how the swing wraps and tightens around my hips. With the porch swing, I can swing without getting too uncomfortable. It’s a gentle rocking that soothes my mind and body. That, combined with the different sorts of floors planned, should lead for a pretty magical and relaxing time. The third and final item.. I’m stuck with either a good book that changes whenever I finish, a music player connected via wifi (because no more than 3 items) that would play really any sort of music I desire, or thirdly –a good pie that replenishes itself.  Unless the Christmas lights were to be included as a function of the room and not an actual item. If not that, then hopefully it does mean I can rotate the items.

This room would be used for relaxation of any sort. Just a place to get away when the world is pressuring you in an uncomfortable way. It’s a nice place to listen to your own thoughts, or to clear your mind. I can see myself coming in this room a lot over the time present.

I’m going to go ahead and assume that this room is “password-protected.” It’d be very nice if, like the Room of Requirement, it would show up whenever I needed it or was thinking about it. It’d be a secret to everyone else. Maybe it would even function in a way similar to the Harry Potter spell ‘Repello Muggletum,'(Muggle Repelling Charm) in that whenever someone got curious of the room or where I was always disappearing to, they’d suddenly find something else they needed to do and would forget all about the case.

Ok, I think I really need this room to happen, now. haha Now I present the question to you: what would you want in your 3-item-limit room? It can be anything!

Alright.

I realize that I have let myself seriously fall behind in my blog posts. I know that I’ve mucked up the challenge by taking this break, by not pushing through and making sure I make those deadlines. 

But it’s okay.

This is something that I had set for myself and, like everything else, I can fluctuate. I know things don’t always work out for me. I know I have things I do outside of this blog. I am a college student, afterall. I have not failed. I will pick this back up, and I will succeed this challenge. So fear not! I will be back after my bout with finals. I will have content for you to keep reading to your heart’s content! (If anyone reads, that is. I’m really unsure of traffic… but it’ll be here!) 

Until then, I bid thee all adieu. If you’re stuck in finals, good luck! I will see you on the other side.