5 AM Shenanigans

It’s nearing 5am. I’m still sitting on that (not so) recently-vacated rocking chair, the bed is in the same state it was an hour ago. Sort of. My chubby lil’ Oreo was just laying at my feet and is now staring at me from his bed. I don’t know what it is that I want, but something keeps telling me to come back and write. There are a million + things that I can talk about. But, as I’ve stated  before, they’d come out as a bunch of ramblings. So that’s it! I’ve decided I’m going to either A) write down all the different prompts I have or B) start a new page on the blog dedicated to mini ramblings. Not updates, but more like following the different threads of musings I might have at that time.I think it’s gon’ be great! But but but.. have to start actually writing first. Gahh! I wish there was a sort of time jump I could have. One that goes back and forth, not just forward in time.

In other news, my bed is still pretty messy. I think I’ve gotten it down to half the mess though so, progress! Also my brother got home super late and he and my mom had a row (row row your boat, gently down the stream!). Eck. See, this is why you plan ahead and instead sleep over at your friends’ if you can! Then again, slightly different situation when my friends are all at the very least half an hour or so away. Ah well!

In other other news, I just learned that my views don’t count towards total views on my stats! How I didn’t know that after being here for 2+ years, I don’t know! In any case, Woo!  Hi, you. 🙂

Guess Who’s Back, Back Again? Janie’s back, Tell a friend! (Or, you know, don’t.)

So… I know its been a little while since I’ve been away. Again. Geez Louise I seriously need to not put this away so long. I think its been nearly half a year now. — Shoot, no. I’ve just checked and its actually more like a year and a half. Argh! I couldn’t tell you half the things that have happened since I last posted. For starters, nothing has changed with my statuses–work or otherwise. I have been to New York twice within that time, though! So that’s exciting. I even got to visit Philadelphia for a few days this past September. I’ll write more on that at a later time. Currently I am sitting on a recently-cleared rocking chair in the middle of a whirlwind of a room. Oreo-my chubby, overprotective chihuahua- is snoring in his little cubby. Scratch that, he’s just woken up for a drink of water. My bed is covered in things I need to sort. Not that I feel like sorting. Obviously. But, hey! What better time than the present? Even if it is just past 2am. Better than dumping everything in a corner, anyway.

I tend to talk a lot to you guys. I’ll spill out whatever is on my mind without really putting up much of a filter. Or editing. I forgot what my college professor called it. Speed-writing? All I remember is that it dealt with writing what was at the top of my head. Such as: I wonder how long the L.A. Times Festival of Books has been going on? I have an old poster from 2010 in my room–don’t even ask, I think I just feel guilty about bringing it down. Plus, what will I do with that clear space?! Anyway, I just realized that it looks as though the picture is in the shape of a 7. Was that the 7th year they held it? Is it just a coincidence? No idea. I’ll look it up later, the curiosity won’t let me rest. Anyway, I was getting somewhere with this. I don’t know if there really are many people that read this outside of my family and friends. Either way, I feel a sort of comfort in being able to talk freely like this. To ramble, as some would say. It’s probably the place where my truest thoughts come out. If not for this, they’d remain tucked away. I mean, surely you must know where I’m coming from. I can’t be the only one who can’t come out and say things outright to my family or the friends around me. Not yet, anyway. I mean, I’d like to come out and be one of those super-organized blogs that talks about one specific topic a day instead of going on and on about random things each time. But that’s not me. It isn’t my style. Yet. I’m confident that I’ll grow into my own with time. I just need to keep writing. So if any of you would like to suggest anything that would keep me writing, keep me encouraged, please do let me know. I honestly need it. Everything else in my life feels like its in shambles right now and I have no doubt that doing this–writing– will keep me grounded and will help me with my craft. Everything I start pursuing seems to just slip away between my fingers slowly, trickling away until suddenly there is a huge contrast between what I started with and what is left. I need to get back to my passions. This is the first step.

Speaking of passions, does anyone have any suggestions on how to build an online portfolio? I am actually an artist and I can’t believe I never did this before, but I need a way to get my work out there. I just don’t quite know what the best approach to building a website would be. I just don’t want my talents to die away. There’d be no use for that B.A. if that was to be the case. So far I’m seeing Wix as a possibility. Maybe just a tumblr, I’ve had a couple of those in the past. I think I may have a photographer friend or two that can help with getting professional photos. I just need to think in terms of Moo-lah. I don’t have the “luxury” of people needing practice with their cameras and software anymore. Gah!

Anyway, I’m running into blanks and running well past 700 words. It’s now 3am and I really must get to the mess on my bed. Seriously, it looks like someone decided it would be the new desk. That someone being me. Curse my tiny room and 5, 6 years worth of things accumulating from the time I left for college! Seriously, guys. If any of you are in college, learn to balance your belongings! It isn’t worth it to attach yourself to every cute, useful thing! Or the little toy your hall mates may have given you in first or second year. Or the books— never mind, you keep the books. HOARD THEM ALL! (I kid, I kid. Heh heh.) Okay okay okay! I bid all of you goodnight. Or morning, wherever you may be. Thanks for stopping by, and please do leave suggestions or encouragements for the things I mentioned. I’ll see you soon! Hopefully. If you liked it. Bye!

P.S. I looked it up. The Los Angeles Times Festival of Books has definitely been going on longer than what the poster suggests. Actually, it’s headed to 20 years in 2016! Yay books!

Father’s Day Blues

I wish my dad was at my graduation today. I miss him. Oh God, how I needed him. It’s seriously all I’ve ever wanted since he wasn’t able to attend my 6th grade or high school graduation. It’s what I looked forward to the most about him getting out of jail after 10 years. I’d be lying if I said he was not the reason I took so long to complete my college education. Heck, I was so freaking glad my graduation wouldn’t happen until he was out. I wanted to wait for him. I wanted him to be there. I needed him. But instead of him filling up that seat next to my mom and brothers, all I had of him was an apology text and one missed call from him. The first I received in the bathroom, when I was checking up on my makeup and hair, making sure my cap wouldn’t fall off with a tip of my head.

“Ola mi amor perdón por llamarte antes que pases una muy bonita graduación te juró qué me duele no estar con tigo en tu graduación”
‘Hello my love, I am sorry for calling you before you have a beautiful graduation. I swear it hurts that I can’t be there with you at your graduation.’

Instantly I felt my eyes well up with tears, a knot in my throat. My friend comes out of the stall and I push it all back, focusing instead on the ceremony and the fact that my family wasn’t there yet. Seriously, again? We rush back to our art friends just as the line starts pushing out the door. My father is pushed out of my mind as the graduation goes on. I’m too busy trying to keep up with my friend’s jokes and our Dean’s sass.
Towards the end of the graduation I remember I have not wished my father a happy father’s day, despite Every. Damn. Speaker. Mentioning their father and wishing them a happy father’a day. I send him greetings and think nothing of it as I stand to move my tassel from the right to the left side of the cap as a symbol of our passing into graduate-hood. We walk out. All along the sides there are people crowding around to take pictures of the graduates. Again, I do not see my mother’s face. I shake off my disappointment and make plans to meet up with my friends at the art building after I dash away to find my family. Again, I do not find them. I look down at my phone to call them only to see I’ve missed a call from my dad. I rush to call back but, what would I say? The emotion now hits harder than before and I click ‘end.’ The knot is tighter, the tears fill my vision and I know I cannot show everyone this side. Today was supposed to be emotional for other reasons, not for the pain that’s been granted me since I was 12.
Instead I have father’s day making a mockery of me as again I have to spend another year without my dad. Only this time, it was something bigger. It was that much more important. And now I’m just left to wonder, how much more will he miss out on? How much more will I miss out on? That ticket that went to my aunt, the one that always goes to my aunt, should have been his. I don’t know what to do. It’s 3am and all I’m doing is crying the stupid makeup off. I hate this, I really do. No matter what I do or what happens, this will never change. I will never have my dad as I want him. He is still only pictures and short phone calls and once a year visits. He’s out of prison but we aren’t out of the system. Happy Father’s Day indeed.

A Room Tucked Away

An extra room has magically been added to your home overnight. The catch: if you add more than three items to it, it disappears. How do you use it?

I know I’m three days late to this particular writing prompt from The Daily Post. Still, I’d like to take a whack at it.

This kind of reminds me of the Room of Requirement from Harry Potter, really. The only thing is that you bring in your own things, and it seeeems like you can’t change the things you bring in there.

After reading a couple of responses, the one thing that has struck out most to me was the idea about three of the walls being ceiling to floor windows. I forgot who’s idea that was though. Bah! Still, the idea of large windows in place of walls is pretty nice. For the ground.. It’d be nice if it could change every now and again.  It can be a plush carpet for a while, and then change to a nice sandy area where you can dig your toes in and lightly massage them through the clumps. It could also be fresh grass–green, slightly dewy, and definitely not the itchy kind.

Aside from the ever-changing floor and ceiling-to-floor windows, it might be nice to have Christmas lights, too. They’re nice decoration, provide enough light to see by, and are dim enough to not hurt your eyes. The second item would have to be a nice and comfortable-sized padded porch swing. I thought about swings but sometimes they end up making my legs sore–not from swinging, but from how the swing wraps and tightens around my hips. With the porch swing, I can swing without getting too uncomfortable. It’s a gentle rocking that soothes my mind and body. That, combined with the different sorts of floors planned, should lead for a pretty magical and relaxing time. The third and final item.. I’m stuck with either a good book that changes whenever I finish, a music player connected via wifi (because no more than 3 items) that would play really any sort of music I desire, or thirdly –a good pie that replenishes itself.  Unless the Christmas lights were to be included as a function of the room and not an actual item. If not that, then hopefully it does mean I can rotate the items.

This room would be used for relaxation of any sort. Just a place to get away when the world is pressuring you in an uncomfortable way. It’s a nice place to listen to your own thoughts, or to clear your mind. I can see myself coming in this room a lot over the time present.

I’m going to go ahead and assume that this room is “password-protected.” It’d be very nice if, like the Room of Requirement, it would show up whenever I needed it or was thinking about it. It’d be a secret to everyone else. Maybe it would even function in a way similar to the Harry Potter spell ‘Repello Muggletum,'(Muggle Repelling Charm) in that whenever someone got curious of the room or where I was always disappearing to, they’d suddenly find something else they needed to do and would forget all about the case.

Ok, I think I really need this room to happen, now. haha Now I present the question to you: what would you want in your 3-item-limit room? It can be anything!

Alright.

I realize that I have let myself seriously fall behind in my blog posts. I know that I’ve mucked up the challenge by taking this break, by not pushing through and making sure I make those deadlines. 

But it’s okay.

This is something that I had set for myself and, like everything else, I can fluctuate. I know things don’t always work out for me. I know I have things I do outside of this blog. I am a college student, afterall. I have not failed. I will pick this back up, and I will succeed this challenge. So fear not! I will be back after my bout with finals. I will have content for you to keep reading to your heart’s content! (If anyone reads, that is. I’m really unsure of traffic… but it’ll be here!) 

Until then, I bid thee all adieu. If you’re stuck in finals, good luck! I will see you on the other side.

May Challenge(s) Day 11! (Late): Where You Sleep &The Last Book You Read

You all know (or should know) by now that I’m a college student and thus am always moving between my own campus apartment and my mother’s apartment. I have two very different places I sleep, depending on where I am. For the most part, I do have a nice, comfortable bed. When I go with mom, though… it’s the couch for me! Sad, but true. My back is certainly suffering. Ah well! Soon I’ll have my bed only, anyway.

 

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The last book I read… Gee, I hate to make this so short, but that’s gotta go to Looking For Alaska, by John Green of the vlogbrothers.

Before. Miles “Pudge” Halter’s whole existence has been one big nonevent, and his obsession with famous last words has only made him crave the “Great Perhaps” (François Rabelais, poet) even more. He heads off to the sometimes crazy, possibly unstable, and anything-but-boring world of Culver Creek Boarding School, and his life becomes the opposite of safe. Because down the hall is Alaska Young. The gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy, self-destructive, screwed-up, and utterly fascinating Alaska Young, who is an event unto herself. She pulls Pudge into her world, launches him into the Great Perhaps, and steals his heart.

After. Nothing is ever the same.

It was actually an excellent read! This is probably my fourth book I’ve read of his, and by far it’s been my favorite. I do believe it was his first book…? I’m thinking that that has something to do with the theme and languages and whatnot.  It’s more relatable, more…real.

May Challenge(s) Day 10! (Late): Childhood & Daily Routine

Childhood… It’s pretty difficult taking a photo of my childhood, seeing as it’s several years and over a thousand miles away. So, this will be more of a ‘throwback’ of sorts.

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I had just gotten through with Daily routine! Actually, I thought I might have accidentally mixed up themes for the day. Glad to see it’s not so, but I did so prefer it when it only had to be through photos..

No two days are ever the same with me. I am a college student, and am involved in different things, especially as of late. I also have my personal internet life (and non-internet life, of course) where i keep blogs and whatnot. Like this one! So it’s hard to put everything down. Maybe I’ll do a summary of MW, TR, F, and/or the weekend.

Mondays I wake up early–or rather, my mom wakes me up–and I rush to get my things together to get out of the house by 5:20am tops. If it’s a more relaxed day, I’ll be out of there by 7am.  I’ll get rushed last-minute to the train station, buy my ticket, and I’m off! Time for another sleepy morning adventure back to school. Perfect napping time~  Once I get to my apartment, I usually doze off for a while and get up for my women’s studies class. That usually goes really well. After, it’s just time to catch up with my shows. Which reminds me, I haven’t gotten to the last two episodes of Game of Thrones yet. Bah! Tuesdays I wake up a lot earlier, rush off at the last minute to class and do the whole ‘school’ thing until around 4pm. Then, it’s back to my apartment and tumblr/youtube/wordpress/facebook. Wednesday and Thursday go pretty much as the last two days, minus the train ride. Then there’s the added art club meetings/workshops on Thursday nights. Friday goes the same as Monday, but headed back to L.A. Sometimes  I meet really cool individuals, like I did this past Friday. It’s one of my favorite parts of having had to take the train since freshman year of college, back in ’09.

The weekends go a lot different to what happens in-week. I’m a part of this way of life within the Catholic church called the Neo Catechumenal way. It really consumes all of my life outside of whatever I do at school.  I love it, though. I don’t think of it as taking up my time, or anything quite like that. I love it.  We have Eucharist (or, service) on Saturday nights that go almost exactly like what we do at a regular Sunday masses, with a few exceptions. I’m not going to go into any specifics, though. These past two Sundays we have been evangelizing. We march down the streets of L.A. from our church and to the square, where we have a catechesis. We invite people both at the church and in the streets to follow us, to follow God, as the disciples followed Jesus. Throughout the entire time, we are singing and playing our guitars, clapping our hands, banging our drums. It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen.  Throughout the weekend there are, of course, interactions with my family, good and bad. I love  that we all have a great love for God and the Way. It just makes all parts of our lives connect in a way that just wasn’t possible before.

There you go, this is how my week pretty much goes. There’s always changes, of course; little things here and there. Hope I didn’t bore you with this one haha. Night all!